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The absolutely official, completely objective, not biased at all, definitive ranking of coffee beverages

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From the deeper meaning behind ordering a double double to how we first got hooked on a java, Coffee Week features a fresh blend of everything you ever wanted to know about our nation’s favourite drink.

Every coffee involves some combination of water and ground coffee beans, plus the occasional splash of milk. And yet, coffee takes on vastly different flavour profiles depending on how it’s brewed.

Here is an extremely official and not at all subjective ranking of coffee beverages from best to worst.

13. Flat White

Definition: espresso topped with steamed milk and “microfoam”

Not only do flat whites come in cappuccino cups, but they also look and taste like cappuccinos. Microfoam is a scam. It’s just wet foam, which also happens to be the type of foam that any good cappuccino is made with. People who order flat whites think they’re special, but in reality, ordering a flat white tells the world only one thing: you don’t know what you’re doing.

12. Macchiato

Definition: espresso with a dash of frothy steamed milk

A cortado with poorly foamed milk, or a latte with poorly foamed milk, depending on which type of macchiato you order. Macchiatos are a nuisance to the entire coffee landscape. They clutter coffee menus while contributing nothing new.

11. Latte

Definition: 1 part espresso to 3 parts steamed milk

Big, milky, and overrated, lattes have weaselled their way into the cannon of classic coffee beverages for far too long. The high milk ratio masks the taste of espresso, while the tepid lactose coats your tongue in an unappetizing slime.

10. Americano

Definition: espresso diluted with hot water

A pale imitation of far superior drip coffee, the definition of an Americano tells you everything you need to know. The word “Americano” is a euphemism for watery espresso.

9. Espresso

Definition: Strong black coffee made by forcing steam through ground coffee beans

The best part of an espresso is the crema, otherwise known as the thin, garnet-hued foam that sits atop each well-pulled shot. The fine espresso membrane emits an enticing coffee aroma while imbuing the rest of the shot with a silky smooth mouth feel.

8. Mocha

Definition: latte spiked with chocolate syrup

Made with full-fat steamed milk, espresso and chocolate syrup, the decadent mocha is a cleverly disguised adult hot chocolate.

7. Pour-over

Definition: coffee made by pouring hot water over coffee grounds contained in a filter

Plagued by its pretentious reputation, the meticulous pour over method extracts more flavour from coffee beans. “Drinking pour over is like putting a magnifying glass over top of a coffee,” Adam Pesce, Director of Coffee at Reunion Island, explains. “It’s the best way to taste a coffee’s unique characteristics.”

6. Cold brew

Definition: coffee made by soaking ground coffee beans in cold water for 12 to 24 hours

Stronger than most drip coffees, sipping on cold brew is like ingesting pure adrenaline. Comedian @KateBerlant once accurately summed up the highly caffeinated experience when she tweeted: “Cold brew lets me see into the future.”

5. Cortado

Definition: a shot of espresso that has been “cut” with a shot of steamed milk

Known as the coffee drinkers coffee, the simple cortado commands respect. “People look at you like you know what you’re doing when you order a cortado,” says Pesce. “But it also lets you see if the barista knows what they’re doing because it’s hard to properly steam such a small amount of milk.”

4. Vietnamese Iced Coffee

Definition: dark roast coffee topped with a tablespoon of sweetened condensed milk

A well-balanced elixir of creamy milk and rejuvenating caffeine, Vietnamese Iced Coffee is indulgent without being over the top.

3. Cappuccino

Definition: a double espresso topped with steamed milk and foam

A luxurious combination of espresso and steam milk, the best type of cappuccino is topped with dense, wet milk foam that renders each sip more satisfying than the last. Modestly portioned at six fluid ounces, the humble cappuccino also eliminates the potential for caffeine jitters.

2. Café au lait

Definition: coffee with warmed milk

In France the simple café au lait is often served in a soup bowl, turning the average Monday morning into a leisurely coffee experience. Drinking a café au lait is like being enveloped in a warm hug by the goddess of caffeine.

1. Drip Coffee

Definition: coffee made with a standard automatic coffee brewer

All over Europe, drip coffee is regarded as flavourless and unappetizing brown sludge. But drip coffee is the starting point from which all other coffees flow. To appreciate a good cup of drip is to appreciate coffee itself.

Thoook.com